Friday...are you really here? Or am I dreaming?

I pretty much suck at it all...

But I know this, and am really trying to get better. And to quote my favorite childhood cartoon - "knowing is half the battle!" G.I.Joe!

I haven't lost any weight. Christmas cookies, Christmas dinners, sweets, snacks...I have shoved it all in my face, only to regret it the next morning when the scale screams at me. And it is SOOOO screaming at me...ugh!

I'm a complete mess. Really...

And I've decided with Christmas shopping, kids and last minute school stuff, work, and the fact we haven't even finished decorating for Christmas, and crazy relatives not wanting to work with us on splitting our time for Christmas between our other family members, that I am not going to be able to work on me until the new year. Which by the way is slowly sucking the life out of me and making me not want to even have Christmas, but that's a whole 'nother ball of wax and probably best if not discussed on a public forum. And I seriously can't handle another "poo" storm if the parties involved read my blog and get offended. So...I'll have to keep the cork on that one.

So, instead of screaming, crying, or burning Christmas trees in protest, I will just work on the plan for me starting New Years Day.

1. I will quit smoking officially on January 1st. Period. I'm done. I've cut back and even quit 3 times I think this year, but I will throw away all cigarettes, lighters, ashtrays, whatever and be done. I hate smoking. The whole situation is ridiculous and I know it. I hate not being able to breathe, hate not being able to walk up the stairs and not be winded, I hate the smell, I hate the taste, and for some reason unbeknownst to me, I still do it. So. I am setting a date and sticking to it. And if any of you catch me smoking, just shoot me and put me out of my misery. Seriously. If I'm smoking, I'm already killing myself, just shoot me and make it quicker.

2. I will drink more water. I am going to get back on this train and not get off. I will wean myself off caffeine if it kills me. Diet Coke, we are getting a divorce. For real. No more. Can't do it. I am sick and tired of feeling like absolute crap if I don't drink caffeine and soda is so horribly bad for your body. So. You gotta go. And the water will help me in so many ways...make me feel full longer, make my skin look better, and help my body function.

3. I will watch what I eat. They say " you are what you eat". So that complete explains why I feel like crap all the time. I eat crap. Chips, chocolate, you name it. Everything you consider bad for you is probably currently in my diet. No more. Done. It will help me feel better and help me battle the weight that I can't wait to get off.

4. I will find time for me to exercise. I tired of feeling like crap. Feeling like I look like crap because I can't stand the person staring back at me in the mirror. The only way I'm going to make any serious headway with losing weight is to exercise. And I will feel better and probably sleep better. And I am officially refusing to buy any clothes bigger than what I'm wearing now. I have a closet full of clothes that I could wear if I'd just get of my butt and exercise.

So, I guess you could say these are my New Years Resolutions. In reality they are my Life Resolutions. I started on this path quite some time ago, but feel like I've just run into road block after road block. But that's life! I'm not stopping tho, I'm just going to have to get creative and either find a way around or cut down my own darn path or plow through the road block with a vengeance. Either way, I'm going to win. This journey is about me and how I feel about me and what I want to get out of my life. And I'm not where I want to be, so it's time to make a change.

So here's to Changing Connie...

Friday....FINALLY!

I think I just may make it....

I think I can...
I think I can...

I think I am almost over the worst sinus infection the planet has ever seen. Like, seriously. Most of those days if I didn't just want to die from not being able to breathe, I wanted to die from the humiliation of coughing so hard and violently that I had a hard time controlling my bladder...if I started a coughing fit, it was a race to the bathroom to try and make it to the pot before I wet myself...horrible and humiliating. Short of full-blown pneumonia, the sickest I've ever been. I'm going on my fourth week of this mess. Been to the doctor twice, 2 shots, 2 rounds of antibiotics, and endless nose sprays, sinus rinses, vapor rubs and steams...but I'm slowly rejoining the land of the living.

Meanwhile...

Christmas is coming! Christmas is coming!

I so seriously need to get it in gear. Hubby and I are going to attempt to do all of our Christmas shopping tonight and in the morning and be done with it. I pray we are successful. Honestly, it's the hardest part for me...trying to figure out what to get everyone. I really am for the most part a very thoughtful person, so I want my gift to be thoughtful and meaningful and something the person would actually enjoy. I seriously need to get my crap together next year, and start with a list in January and knock it off a little each month. But if you know me at all, you know that such things are procrastinated in my world and that's why we end up fighting the crazies 2 weeks before Christmas. I guess it could be worse...I could wait til Christmas eve, but I know me... and me and crowds...not so pretty. I don't like being touched by strangers, bumped accidentally, or cramped up together standing in line. I'd probably wind up in a looney bin somewhere.

I need to get my butt in gear on the "Changing Connie" front too. My goals and determination went out the door with the "KILL HER" sinus infection. I did cut the smoking back down, but my will had nothing to do with it. The fact I couldn't already breathe totally did. But...no weight loss...no exercise...I haven't even been to church in the last 2 weeks. Need a serious kick in the butt and pick me up. Hopefully I'll get back in the game Monday. If not feeling better soon, I may need to turn my "Changing Connie" goals into New Year's resolutions.


Everyone have a great weekend!