Monday, July 30, 2012

Weekend and Week End

I always do great during the week with watching what I eat.

Weekend rolls around and ...(well, you know, I hope that I can scrape by not gaining it all back)

I was doing so good. We invited my cousin and her son over Friday night and broke out the Xbox Kinect. If you haven't played it, go get one now. It is WAY, super duper fun! We had a blast playing Kinect Adventures and I soooo broke a sweat. That game totally kicked my butt. I haven't had that much fun working out in long time. I will definitely be doing that more often.

Woke up Saturday morning and had lost 2 more lbs...for a grand total of 7 lbs. in 6 days! On top of the world! Woohoo...Doing a little dance in my head! Then the rest of my weekend happens. Between church, grocery shopping, and starving kids, I'm not sure where it started, but I ate bad. Then Sunday, we made a birthday cake for my husband's grandmother's 80th birthday. Cake? Who in their right mind can say no to cake? Especially when it has chocolate icing...I was practically calling my name, no, it was SHOUTING my name...LOL! I did manage to park my behind on a stationary bike and ride 3 miles in 11 minutes. So maybe the damage wasn't as bad. Maybe.

Not to mention, I had to work out of town Monday, so I left after I got the kids in bed at 9. And it was late, it was pouring rain, and I was so very tired. So what do I do? I stop at the nearest convenience store and get a great big ole 20 oz. Mountain Dew. I know better! I was doing so good. But, instead of beating myself up, I'm going chuck it up to experience and know the guilt I will feel next time, and carry on.

I wasn't at my house with my scale this morning, so I haven't weighed. Have no idea what the damage is. But I have had a great breakfast and lunch. And hope that, maybe just maybe, by the time I get to weigh in again that I have been able to counteract some of my weekend endeavors. If not, I'll just have to work that much harder and make sure that my weekends aren't undoing the hard work I put in during the week. Before this next weekend, I think I need to formulate a plan to make it through the weekend food-wise. Probably need to plan my meals out in advance.

I'm also working on getting a treadmill at the house. I think that will be awesome for me. It's too hot here to walk in the summer time unless it's dark and no sunshine, and even then, it's so humid you'll definitely think twice before you do. It's 91 right now and that's cooler than it's been in awhile, we tipped the scales over 100 several days last week. 

I'm also thinking about doing a 30day shred. I've seen a lot of talk about it lately. The inspiration for me starting my blog and getting myself on track was Mama Laughlin. She is fabulous and hilarious! She just started a Facebook group too (Mama Laughlin's Fit Camp), and everybody's stories are wonderful, inspirational, and motivational. And it seems like many, many of the women I have read about on her blog and her Facebook have done a 30day shred. Guess I'll order it today and see what its all about.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Day 4

Hi. My name is Connie and I'm a recovering Mountain Dew and Diet Coke addict.

It started in my early 20s with Mountain Dew. There's just something about that syrupy, sweet, jolt packed with caffeine that gets me every time. I usually drank about 4 20oz. bottles a day. Then I found out that part of the reason that I couldn't lose any weight was that I was drinking my caloric intake alone in Mountain Dew...not to mention the calories I got when I ate anything. And I was having some dental problems, and at my last cleaning my dentist took one look at my teeth and asked if I drank Mountain Dew. "Yes?" I replied, "How can you tell?" He said that Mountain Dew was so acidic that he saw people all the time that had excessive wear on their enamel due to drinking Mountain Dew. SCARY!!! You can look at my teeth and tell I drink Mountain Dew! Are you serious????

So grudgingly, I switched to Diet Coke. And let me tell you, that was hard. I hated diet drinks. They taste like diet. But I sucked it up and resolved myself not to drink anymore calories. And eventually came to love Diet Coke and that aftertaste. That was about 5 years ago. I have been drinking nothing but Diet Coke all day long for 5 years. Probably on average 2 two liters a day. Wow! Looking back...that is insane.

I hate water! I've always hated water. But I've been reading up and I realize that even though I'm not getting calories from what I drink, the sodium, caffeine, and artificial sweetener are absolutely and horribly just as bad. So here I am again, having to give up my drink of choice. And I don't know about any of you, but if you've ever tried to give up caffeine cold turkey when you drink any significant amount everyday, the headaches will make you wish you had died instead. Two weeks ago, I decided to give up caffeine and took the plunge. Halfway through day 1, I felt like a tornado, a hurricane, and an earthquake were duking it out in my head to see who was the biggest and baddest. Man, that was one SICK headache. I finally gave up and had 1 bottle of Diet Coke. Since then, I've tried over and over each day not to drink any caffeine, and had to drink at least some to survive the pounding in my head. I've managed to get down to 1 can a day, but I'm trying to wait longer and longer each day before I indulge. I'm thinking I may need to pour out half the can now before I start drink it and cut down even more. But my brain screams, "How wasteful!" That's just how my mind works and makes excuses for myself. I may just need someone to follow me around for a couple of weeks screaming "NO!" at me every time I head for the drink machine or stop at a convenience store.

So, last night we took my awesome mother-in-law to dinner at a Mexican restaurant for her birthday. Which, in hindsight, probably not the best of ideas, but it was her birthday and I didn't pick the restaurant. And I'm not really sure that she did because she doesn't even really like Mexican. But...I regress.

I love Mexican food! Love, love, love, Mexican food! I think I could eat it for every meal the rest of my life. I think that it's probably possible to pour that creamy, white cheese sauce on just about anything and make it edible. I think I could probably eat cardboard if it was dipped in that wonderful cheese. Needless to say, changing my eating habits and going to a Mexican restaurant don't go hand-in-hand. And I tried to be good. I ordered a water. Yay me! Because what I really wanted was a nice cool Diet Coke, or...better yet - a nice, big, fat margarita...Man!  That was way too hard. I tried my best not to plant my face in the cheese dip and instead sat there and occasionally ate a chip with a little cheese while we were waiting on our food. Normally, I'd be full on chips, cheese, and salsa before my food even got to the table. But I tried to resist and stay strong. But I was starving! And ate almost every bite on my plate, which I didn't intend to do. And when the kids ordered desserts, I didn't order one too, I just had a bite of theirs. But as we were walking out of the restaurant and my food started settling, I could tell I had really over done it. I felt pregnant with food, I was miserable. Then I started feeling guilty for everything. I knew I needed to at least go walk it off, but it was already late and we needed to get the kids home and showered so we could get them into bed.

I swore when I got up this morning that I was not going to weigh. That I would just resolve myself to do even better today and over the weekend, but I couldn't resist. I had to know. How bad was the damage? So reluctantly, I crawl up on the scale. What? I only gain .4 of a lb? Seriously? I'll take that. And then I will drink water like I live in the desert and eat like a sparrow today and hopefully get in some exercise and push on past this indulgence. I read somewhere that the reason why when men and women diet, and men seem to do so much better, is because when guys mess up, they forgive, forget, and start over. But when girls mess up, they feel guilty because they screwed up and instead of starting over, quit dieting because they've already blown it. Well, I'm taking the "Men's" approach on this. I ate too much last night, yeah, I screwed up. But I'm not done. I'm in this thing for real. I've got almost 1 lb to go to make my weight loss 5 lbs for the week and I've got til Monday to do it.

The more I blog and work on "Me", the more I realize things I need to change about myself. Like, wearing my seat belt for example. I'm claustrophobic, like insanely. And I've always had a problem wearing my seat belt, even though I know if I were in an accident it would probably save my life. My weight probably doesn't help and only makes it even more uncomfortable. Just the thought of strapping myself into my car makes me sick to my stomach. My husband on the other hand, loves me so much and doesn't want anything to happen to me, so much that he doesn't understand my fears and anxieties about it and just wants me to wear it and be safe. We've had several disagreements and confrontations about it. And to please him and set a good example for the kids, I try. Lord knows, I try. But if I'm having a very stressful day, and my anxieties are on their peak of breaking, I can't do it. When I get in that state, just the thought of being "trapped" in my seat, brings tears to my eyes. And heaven help me if I'm riding somewhere with my husband because he will say something. And I know that he only does it because he cares, but it just makes me want to cry. So...here is yet another thing I need to work on with myself. I know that it will be hard, but it will be safer for me and maybe with some weight loss it came become bearable.

For now I'm making progress, so I'm happy with myself. I need to push myself harder, granted, but I'm doing pretty good in my eyes. This weekend, I'm planning on setting a quit date for my smoking and working on unpacking the last room in our house - the Office. I so don't want to do it, but it needs to be done. Only Monday will tell...

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Day 3

I've been working both of my jobs for the last two days and I'm pooped. But I'm not giving up. I haven't had the time to work out like I've wanted to this week, but I have tried really hard to watch what I eat and have drank tons of water and it seems to still be paying off.

I started this week at 229.4. And to see this number and actually write it down for everyone to see disgusts me, but I think I need the reality check. My wonderful husband loves me the way I am and doesn't understand all of this (because he thinks I'm beautiful and adores me), but he is supporting me and that in itself is WAY AWESOME. But this is what nags at the back of my mind - he weighs somewhere around 185, and knowing that, and knowing what I weigh, mortifies me. But I have to accept that I got here by making the choices I've made over the last few years, and that instead of just being mortified and accepting that I need to do something about it (and talking about it, thinking about it, reading about it)- I'm gonna get of my booty and do something about it. And the totally awesome part is I'm currently working on day 4 since I made up my mind to change, and I've lost almost 5 lbs. When I got up this morning I weighed 224.6. YAY me!

My long term goal is to get to 135-140. But realistically for me, I need to break that up into smaller chunks so as not to get discouraged. So my first short term goal is to get out of the 200s. So 199, here I come. I read that healthy weight loss is 2-3 lbs a week. So I'm setting a goal to have lost 30 lbs and reach 199 by September 30th. I can do this. I can do this.

I've really got to quit smoking. Seriously. I'm probably going to write this everyday until it sinks in my brain and I stop. I've been smoking on and off, primarily on, for 17 years. Ouch! I said that out loud. And am ashamed. I'm basically what you would call a "closet" smoker. I hide it. From my kids and my mom. I hide it from the kids because I never, ever want them to smoke, think about smoking, or think it's remotely OK. I hide it from my mom because she loves me and doesn't want me to smoke, and "God Bless Her" - she's a nagger. And unfortunately, I'm as stubborn as they come, and if you tell me over and over what I need to do, I'm going to do the opposite out of sheer spite. And my husband had quit smoking for almost a year when he met me, and although he swears that he had already started back and that it's not my fault - he wouldn't be smoking it I weren't. Not to mention, I can't breathe. Try to climb a set of stairs when you're overweight and a smoker...it's exhausting. And I'd love to start running, but I can't breathe. I've been walking, but until I quit smoking, I'll never be able to run. So quit already, I keep telling myself. My goal is to quit cold-turkey in the next week. I just got to pick a day and stick to it. And then throw away every lighter, cigarette, ashtray I can find. I've even called the GA quit line and have a quit coach, and have laid out a plan for me to quit. I just have to pick and date.

Working both jobs yesterday really threw off my plans for the week, so I haven't worked on ALL the things I wanted to this week. But no discouragement here, still going to trudge along.

My challenges today:

1. No cursing! No cursing!
2. Eat good especially since we are taking my mother-in-law out to dinner for her birthday.
3. Set a quit date!
4. Watch my caffeine intake. Going to try and make it without caffeine today. (We'll see, depends on if I get a headache or not. And even then, try to drink only 1/2...)
5. Read in the Bible today.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Day 2

Whew! What a day! I ended up working very late yesterday out of town, so I didn't get to work on a whole lot, but I still think I did pretty good.

1. Smoking - Still smoking less, even though I was in the car for over 4 hours yesterday, which is the hardest time for me not to smoke. I think I chewed about 6 pieces of gum yesterday in the car. But hey, I'm making progress.
2. Weight - I ate very good yesterday and drank tons of water. Lost 1.4 lbs. Awesome. I still need to work on not weighing every day...
3. Sleep more - My husband pointed out yesterday that I did get more sleep on Day 1 because I took a 2 hour nap. And last night I got 6 hours. So we are making progress. Don't feel like I'm going to pass out at my desk, so that is a good sign.
4. Caffeine - I'm kicking this one's butt. I had a can of Diet Coke and nothing but more water, water, and water. I'm hoping to soon cut out the one can. I'm trying to wait a little longer each day and until I feel the headache coming before I give in and indulge in my little bit of caffeine.
5. Eat Healthier - I'm doing great here so far. I had to get gas at the convenience store yesterday and so had the munchies. My 2 weaknesses are chocolate and chips, which just happen to be on full display at convenience stores, calling my name. But I held strong and grabbed a bag of pistachio nuts. Then later on while I was traveling for my other job, I was starving. I mean, like dying, literally. And the only place to stop was McDonald's. But I was good, very good. I got a salad and 2 bottles of water.
6. Exercise - Didn't get home until late, so I really didn't to work on this one, but I'm going to get back at today. Also, my mom has offered me her old treadmill which I think will be very beneficial to me, so I did call her and try to figure out if it would fit in my tiny SUV so I could somehow get it home.
7. Kids - I had to work so late, that I got home just before it was bedtime. But my wonderful husband had taken Daysia to get her school supplies and she was so excited, she had to pull everything out and show me what she got. And then we read a little devotional and said prayers and talked for a few minutes before it was time to go to sleep.
8. Cursing - I didn't curse yesterday. Yay! Now I just got to keep it up.
9. Organizing - I didn't get to completely clean out my car like I wanted to because I got home after dark, but I did take a stab at it. And I'm trying to gear myself up for unpacking and organizing our office before school starts. And we've started compiling a load of things to be donated. We have several bags and a few boxes. Awesome!
10. Being a better Christian - Still trudging away. I read a little bit of the Bible, and I totally rocked to nothing but Christian music on my 4 hour drive. Got a few emails pertaining to small groups with our church. Hopefully, my husband and I can find a small group soon. I'm really getting excited about that.

All in all, I think I did pretty good. Especially resisting temptation while in the convenience store and at McDonald's. Who doesn't love McDonald's FF? They are SOOO hard to resist. I think I'm doing really awesome with the water too and I hate, hate, hate water. But it's my body needs and it's good for me. Hopefully, I'll learn to like it.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Day 1

So, I survived the first day. My husband has been AMAZING. I called and told him about my blog and the changes I've decided to make, and he made me stick to it. Twice I changed my mind about walking after dinner last night, but he kind of didn't give me a choice, which was exactly what I needed.

So here's what I accomplished yesterday:

1. Smoking - I smoked way less than I normally do and had serious discussions about quitting very, very soon.
2. Weight - I watched how much I ate, and drank lots of water and threw in a little exercise.
3. Sleep more - We still need some serious work in this dept. I went to bed at 12 am and got up at 5:45am. Which is about an hour and 45 minutes longer than our average, but I seriously need to work on getting 7 hours of sleep at least every night. 8 would be even more awesome. 
4. Caffeine - I only had 1 can diet coke. Which I totally think is waaaay awesome considering diet coke was the only thing I was drinking at all until recently. I drank probably close to a gallon of water.
5. Eating Healthier - I watched my calorie intake and ate fairly healthy. I did indulge in some chips, but it is the first day.
6. Exercise - My husband, daughter, and I walked 2 laps at the track after dinner.
7. Kids - We took my daughter with us to the track last night to walk with us. I'm thinking exercise, being outside and away from the tv isn't such a bad start.
8. Cursing - I did let a bad word slip out yesterday and for this I feel absolutely horrible. This is an area I strongly need to work on.
9. Organizing - I didn't really get to work on this one yesterday, but my wonderful husband did. He helped fold and do laundry, and helped straighten up our laundry room while he was in there. Go Joe! You are amazing! Thank you so much. My goal for today is to clean out my car if I get home early enough, I have to work late. And the goal for the week is to finishing unpacking our office and take a load of things to donate to the local Christian store.
10. Being a better Christian - I read several verses of the Bible yesterday on my phone with my Daily Bible app. This is nowhere near where I should be, but I think that I made an effort in the right direction, so I'm proud of myself today. My husband I both in the last couple of weeks have started listening only to Christian music. We have started visiting a church in our area and have signed up to get some information about joining a small bible study group and to get more information about how to serve through the church. And we have started reading bible stories and devotionals to our kids before prayers every night, which also contributes to some discussion time with our kids and some very good family time.

All in all, I feel pretty good about Day 1. I know I have quite a road ahead of me, but it's all about the journey, right? So for now, I trudge along through Day 2. I'm feeling pretty awesome about everything. Change is hard. Lifestyle changes are even harder, especially when you decide to change several things at once. But I decided to just go for it. Drinking water and eating healthier and exercising, all contribute to losing weight. And I decided to try to lose weight while quitting to smoke on purpose. Most people that quit smoking, gain around 10-15 lbs because everything tastes way better and putting food into your mouth feeds the hand-to-mouth habit. But all these changes together will provide for a HAPPIER, healthier, and much more fulfilling life. So go Connie! Yay me!

P.S. I know you're not supposed to weigh everyday and I'm going to have to start only weighing once a week, but I lost 2 lbs!!! Woohoo! Super cool. I'm going to try and not concentrate on the number, but concentrate on how my clothes fit and my size, but 2 lbs ain't too shabby for Day 1.


Monday, July 23, 2012

Holding Myself Accountable

Accountable Connie


Over the last few weeks, I've been mulling over all my "flaws" and "bad habits" and have come to the conclusion that I must make a change. And that no one change help me change, I have to want it for myself, and that I must become diligent and disciplined if I want to become the person I want to be.

Here is my list of things I want to change about myself:

1. Quit smoking. (It's killing me, I know it's killing me, and I'm tired of feeling like crap. I've been battling this one for a long time and it's time to put up and shut up. I want to live long enough to see my grandchildren one day.)

2. Lose weight. (I've gained a substantial amount of weight in the last 4 years when I changed jobs and went from standing all day long to sitting at a desk. The person in the mirror is no longer the me I remember or recognize. I have no one but myself to blame and no one can change it but me and it is time for me to get busy and do something about it.)

3. Sleep more. (On average, I get about 4.5 hours of sleep a night. Which I think is strongly contributing to the feeling like crap. For once, it would be nice not to want to strangle my alarm clock every morning and feel good about starting my day not already tired.)

4. Cut out caffeine and drink more water. (This one will be hard for me, but it is something I need to do. I drink way too many diet drinks every day, which I know isn't good for me. But caffeine withdrawal headaches are beasts, but I think I need to tackle this one. Please pray no one is harmed in the process.)

5. Eat healthier. (Will contribute to losing weight and help me feel better.)

6. Exercise more. (I'm soooo out of shape. But it will help me feel better in the long run and also help with shedding some weight.)

7. Want to do more with my kids. (All of the above, I think, will help me with this one. Once I feel better, I think that this will come more naturally and I will feel like playing with the kids. I can't remember the last time I rode a bike or actually wanted to do anything other than occupy my couch.)

8. Quit cursing. (I was a bartender for 15 years and I have a potty-mouth. And I try to monitor myself around the kids, but I have to think about the example I am setting for them when I let one rip.)

9. Get more organized. (I can't find anything, and I used to be so organized and know where everything was, but for some reason have just let it all go. The most mundane and simple tasks become overwhelming because I can't find anything. Of course, this will take me "training" the hubby and the kids to put things back where they found them, and helping put things up in their "place", but I think it will save so much time and effort and make life a little less frantic and chaotic for us all.)

10. Be a better Christian. (I was raised in church. I have a strong faith. But am I really being the Christian I should be? I want to take the time to read the Bible and mentally "arm" myself with God's Word. I want to make sure my children know Jesus, and set a good example. I want to attend church every Sunday without excuse or fail. I want to find a small bible study group within our church, and surround myself with people that have the same beliefs and morals. And I want to find my "purpose" and find a way to "serve".


So I've had all these things on my mind for a while and today I decided, finally, that I was going to change. I know that it won't by any means be easy, but I've got to do something. I decided that I would start this blog, to hold myself "Accountable". Accountable to myself and anyone that is crazy enough to read my blog. This is my first step on a long road in the right direction. Next step, figuring out how I'm going to quit smoking. For good. Then I think I will take some "before" pictures of the "fat" me, and work on a plan to find the "skinny" me trapped underneath. One by one, I want to transform my bad habits and me. So if you're interested, this is only the beginning of Changing Connie...