Monday, July 23, 2012

Holding Myself Accountable

Accountable Connie

Over the last few weeks, I've been mulling over all my "flaws" and "bad habits" and have come to the conclusion that I must make a change. And that no one change help me change, I have to want it for myself, and that I must become diligent and disciplined if I want to become the person I want to be.

Here is my list of things I want to change about myself:

1. Quit smoking. (It's killing me, I know it's killing me, and I'm tired of feeling like crap. I've been battling this one for a long time and it's time to put up and shut up. I want to live long enough to see my grandchildren one day.)

2. Lose weight. (I've gained a substantial amount of weight in the last 4 years when I changed jobs and went from standing all day long to sitting at a desk. The person in the mirror is no longer the me I remember or recognize. I have no one but myself to blame and no one can change it but me and it is time for me to get busy and do something about it.)

3. Sleep more. (On average, I get about 4.5 hours of sleep a night. Which I think is strongly contributing to the feeling like crap. For once, it would be nice not to want to strangle my alarm clock every morning and feel good about starting my day not already tired.)

4. Cut out caffeine and drink more water. (This one will be hard for me, but it is something I need to do. I drink way too many diet drinks every day, which I know isn't good for me. But caffeine withdrawal headaches are beasts, but I think I need to tackle this one. Please pray no one is harmed in the process.)

5. Eat healthier. (Will contribute to losing weight and help me feel better.)

6. Exercise more. (I'm soooo out of shape. But it will help me feel better in the long run and also help with shedding some weight.)

7. Want to do more with my kids. (All of the above, I think, will help me with this one. Once I feel better, I think that this will come more naturally and I will feel like playing with the kids. I can't remember the last time I rode a bike or actually wanted to do anything other than occupy my couch.)

8. Quit cursing. (I was a bartender for 15 years and I have a potty-mouth. And I try to monitor myself around the kids, but I have to think about the example I am setting for them when I let one rip.)

9. Get more organized. (I can't find anything, and I used to be so organized and know where everything was, but for some reason have just let it all go. The most mundane and simple tasks become overwhelming because I can't find anything. Of course, this will take me "training" the hubby and the kids to put things back where they found them, and helping put things up in their "place", but I think it will save so much time and effort and make life a little less frantic and chaotic for us all.)

10. Be a better Christian. (I was raised in church. I have a strong faith. But am I really being the Christian I should be? I want to take the time to read the Bible and mentally "arm" myself with God's Word. I want to make sure my children know Jesus, and set a good example. I want to attend church every Sunday without excuse or fail. I want to find a small bible study group within our church, and surround myself with people that have the same beliefs and morals. And I want to find my "purpose" and find a way to "serve".

So I've had all these things on my mind for a while and today I decided, finally, that I was going to change. I know that it won't by any means be easy, but I've got to do something. I decided that I would start this blog, to hold myself "Accountable". Accountable to myself and anyone that is crazy enough to read my blog. This is my first step on a long road in the right direction. Next step, figuring out how I'm going to quit smoking. For good. Then I think I will take some "before" pictures of the "fat" me, and work on a plan to find the "skinny" me trapped underneath. One by one, I want to transform my bad habits and me. So if you're interested, this is only the beginning of Changing Connie...

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