Day 3

I've been working both of my jobs for the last two days and I'm pooped. But I'm not giving up. I haven't had the time to work out like I've wanted to this week, but I have tried really hard to watch what I eat and have drank tons of water and it seems to still be paying off.

I started this week at 229.4. And to see this number and actually write it down for everyone to see disgusts me, but I think I need the reality check. My wonderful husband loves me the way I am and doesn't understand all of this (because he thinks I'm beautiful and adores me), but he is supporting me and that in itself is WAY AWESOME. But this is what nags at the back of my mind - he weighs somewhere around 185, and knowing that, and knowing what I weigh, mortifies me. But I have to accept that I got here by making the choices I've made over the last few years, and that instead of just being mortified and accepting that I need to do something about it (and talking about it, thinking about it, reading about it)- I'm gonna get of my booty and do something about it. And the totally awesome part is I'm currently working on day 4 since I made up my mind to change, and I've lost almost 5 lbs. When I got up this morning I weighed 224.6. YAY me!

My long term goal is to get to 135-140. But realistically for me, I need to break that up into smaller chunks so as not to get discouraged. So my first short term goal is to get out of the 200s. So 199, here I come. I read that healthy weight loss is 2-3 lbs a week. So I'm setting a goal to have lost 30 lbs and reach 199 by September 30th. I can do this. I can do this.

I've really got to quit smoking. Seriously. I'm probably going to write this everyday until it sinks in my brain and I stop. I've been smoking on and off, primarily on, for 17 years. Ouch! I said that out loud. And am ashamed. I'm basically what you would call a "closet" smoker. I hide it. From my kids and my mom. I hide it from the kids because I never, ever want them to smoke, think about smoking, or think it's remotely OK. I hide it from my mom because she loves me and doesn't want me to smoke, and "God Bless Her" - she's a nagger. And unfortunately, I'm as stubborn as they come, and if you tell me over and over what I need to do, I'm going to do the opposite out of sheer spite. And my husband had quit smoking for almost a year when he met me, and although he swears that he had already started back and that it's not my fault - he wouldn't be smoking it I weren't. Not to mention, I can't breathe. Try to climb a set of stairs when you're overweight and a smoker...it's exhausting. And I'd love to start running, but I can't breathe. I've been walking, but until I quit smoking, I'll never be able to run. So quit already, I keep telling myself. My goal is to quit cold-turkey in the next week. I just got to pick a day and stick to it. And then throw away every lighter, cigarette, ashtray I can find. I've even called the GA quit line and have a quit coach, and have laid out a plan for me to quit. I just have to pick and date.

Working both jobs yesterday really threw off my plans for the week, so I haven't worked on ALL the things I wanted to this week. But no discouragement here, still going to trudge along.

My challenges today:

1. No cursing! No cursing!
2. Eat good especially since we are taking my mother-in-law out to dinner for her birthday.
3. Set a quit date!
4. Watch my caffeine intake. Going to try and make it without caffeine today. (We'll see, depends on if I get a headache or not. And even then, try to drink only 1/2...)
5. Read in the Bible today.