Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Happy Halloween

I apologize to all my readers, I have been slacking on the writing front.

My life is crazy, mad busy.

I do tech support for elections as a side job, and I don't know if you know this but we're about to hold a monster of an election.

My husband and I are trying to buy a house.

My aunt passed away this past weekend. The funeral is today. I believe she truly is in a better place, so I will celebrate her memory.

And with work, Halloween, making costumes, Fall Festivals, church, house hunting, and just the everyday things like cooking dinner and laundry....I'm sinking!

I haven't gained! Which is a super duper plus. But I haven't lost I need to get my butt in gear. I bet many of you are wondering exactly when that will happen because it seems lately like all I have been doing is making excuses. Well, someone kick me! I need it!

I have to leave work early today to make the 2 hour drive to make the funeral. And sadly, afterwards, I will have to try and make it back quickly. Although I am going to pay my respects, I do still have children and its Halloween. And although many Christians have a problem celebrating Halloween, me and mine will celebrate with folks from our church grilling out hotdogs for the neighborhood and sharing the gospel. We let our kids dress up for the fun, but our kids know Jesus and are saved, they realize that we aren't celebrating Halloween, but just having fun. And come on, it's so fun to play dress up!

So all you Trick-or-Treaters out there be safe and have a Happy Halloween!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Truthful Tuesday

This mind game I'm playing with myself is getting so old.

I keep thinking that I am ready to lose weight and get out there and get it done. But I don't. So obviously I don't want it as bad as I think I do. I eat very well during the week. Then the weekend gets here and its a food free-for-all. This past Friday, went out to dinner with a couple at Cracker Barrel. I splurge and have blueberry pancakes...And thought "ok, I'll just eat better the rest of the weekend". Then we get to this event at our church, "Marital Bliss" we've been wanting to go to and lo and behold - they are serving dessert. Brownies, banana pudding, cheesecake, red velvet cake, hershey kisses, all calling my name. I - CAN'T - RESIST! I wasn't even hungry. I was still full from dinner, but do I decline? No. I dive in, face first.

I feel bad about it on the way home, but rationalize that everyone is allowed a cheat day. Just tell myself to get over it and I'll eat better tomorrow. Wake up early on Saturday, starving. Husband's gone to church, daughter's still asleep. I never get to watch TV, so I decide I'll watch a show, but can't find anything easy to make for breakfast...but there's a bag of bbq potato chips on the counter. "That'll work." I eat half the bag. Then when my daughter gets up, she wants cinnamon toast. I want something sweet too. One piece won't hurt. OK, maybe two. I do this all the time. Just set myself up for failure. And eat CRAP. Because I am all for instant gratification, I guess. If I'm hungry, I want it right then. Instead of cooking or fixing something healthy for myself.

I seriously got to work on this and wrap my head around it. I didn't eat all too bad Sunday. And got right back on track yesterday. But the reason the scale is not moving for me is clearly obvious.

I am seriously working on drinking my water today. I brought my water bottle to work. And I'm trying to make myself drink it. Drank half the bottle so far. Now if I can just do this several more times today...I had gotten back to the point I was drinking 2 or 3 20oz diet sodas a day and yesterday I broke down and had a mountain dew. What am I doing? So today, I've told myself that I cannot have any soda at all until I've drank my whole water bottle and then I can't have another one until I've drank my whole water bottle again. Not perfection, but at least it's a step in the right direction.

Actually got some decent sleep last night. First time in a while. So why do I still feel like crap? (let me guess...the crap I've been shoveling in my face?) Probably. I feel more tired today than I do when I only sleep 4 or 5 hours. And I got a whole 7 hours last night.

I did manage to get a few things done last night. My daughter is turning 12 Friday and we're having her a birthday party at our house Saturday. I had all intentions of scrubbing the house down last night when I got home, but it didn't happen. I went to the dollar store to get party supplies after work. Then headed to Walmart to get some groceries and cleaning supplies. Picked up the kids and headed home. But a headache the size of Texas had crept up on me by then. My husband had gotten home and had started to mow the grass, but it started to rain, so he helped me unload the car and by then I was worthless. Took something for a headache while he fixed frozen pizzas for the kids. He cleaned up the kitchen while I sat there like a lump on a log, trying to regain control of my head. After dinner, me and the hubs did manage to fold all the laundry. But didn't even put it up. We all went to bed.

I still want to do the Color Run coming in December. I've just got to figure out how to start getting some walking/running time in there. But I will walk it if I have to. I will do it. Just really would like to be running it.

I think I will pick up my daughter early today and see if she would like to run/walk with me. Or maybe I should just go home and do it and then go get her. If she doesn't want to, it'll just give me yet another reason not to go. OK. I can do this.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Flirtatious Friday

Oh Friday, my long awaited Friday, why do you only let me see you once a week? I feel like we're having a sordid affair and I'm getting cheated. I would prefer to see you way more often. But regardless, I'm so happy to see you today.

This has been an insane week, but I have somehow survived...

Good news - Found out Ingrid Michaelson is coming to Savannah next week. Just found out Wednesday and managed to ask the hubby if he minded if I had a girls nite and got tickets with my new office mate before they were completely sold out. What luck! I'm so excited! Woohoo!

Also, found out that Savannah is having a Color Vibe 5k (aka Color Run) in December. I'm so stoked. Just found my motivation to get off my tush. I've always, always wanted to do one. I can't wait. I've requested like a million times that Color Run come to Savannah. Thanks to the spin off, we will be having one. YAY!

I've been mulling over a few things this week and come to the conclusion that Me - the Control freak Queen has let some things take control of my life. I've always prided myself on being in control and not letting unnecessary things take over. Like, when I was younger and experimented with drugs or drinking alcohol, just couldn't do it, didn't like the idea that something could possibly gain control over me. I bartended for years and it just got old seeing how stupid people could get, and how some would do it over and over again day in, day out. I never wanted to be that person. Now don't get me wrong, I've let loose quite a few times, but the next morning always taught me a lesson I apparently needed to remember - everything in moderation. And working in the restaurant industry, I was exposed to many more drugs than I ever knew existed and quite frankly wish I still didn't. But young, dumb, and curious are a bad combination, but thankfully I never got twisted up in something bad and managed to learn that wasn't a lifestyle or choice I wanted for myself. I wanted to control my life. Unfortunately, I've seen too many people go down the wrong paths. Ones I didn't want to go anywhere near.

But back to the point, I realized this week that I've unconsciously let cigarettes, caffeine, and food take control of my life. I can't go a day without caffeine, I haven't been strong enough to brave the withdrawal headache that comes. It seriously gets so bad that I can't even function and just want to go to bed. So, at least once a day, I buy a soda and drink it. Even the one time I willed myself through 3 days of horrible headaches, the first day that I was extremely tired or had to work both jobs, I turned to my long lost friend, Mr. Caffeine. Therefore, I have allowed myself to become chained to caffeine. Really! Why hasn't this dawned on me before? Same thing with cigarettes. I keep trying to quit. And I've done better this past month than I have in the past, but I haven't quit completely. I'm scared of the cravings, the withdrawal. I keep a pack in my car..."just in case". Why can't I let them go? Because I've let them control me and my behaviors. Ew! And food, this is the big one because we all have to eat to survive. But I love food. Especially sweets and salty potato chips. Both I need to let go. They are so horrible and exactly the reason I hate to look in the mirror everyday.

I know that this just seems like common sense and that I should have realized all this before maybe, but I think I just leaped over some kind of mental barrier. Maybe now I can make some serious progress. The color run will definitely help me with the smoking. I'll start training ASAP. You just can't run and be a smoker. You'll die. I mean, it's bad enough to be overweight and out of shape, add smoking to that and running is like asking an elephant to sit on your chest and breathe. You just can't do it.

So here's to mental barriers and kicking their butts!

Eat healthy! Drink water! Get off your butt and move! (feel free to tell me the same!)

Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Withering Wednesday

I haven't been drinking my water.

I have eaten like a natural disaster.

I haven't found the time to exercise.

I can't even find the time to sleep more than four hours a night.

Something has seriously got to give in my life.

I can't make the changes I want for myself if I can't sleep and get some rest. It's just not possible. I'm struggling to stay awake at work for the last 3 days. Every weekend I swear that this is the week we get in bed on time and something happens every night to prevent it. Like last night. Got the kids in bed a little late, and one of them needed a shirt washed, so after taming the monkeys and my husband lying down with the youngest, I immediately start on laundry. Everything's going good and I'm thinking that I may actually get in bed shortly after 10. Go to put the laundry in the dryer and everything is PINK! Including the new Boy Scout shirt that needed to be washed. I dig through the laundry to find the culprit to no avail. What in the world? Seriously? I just started crying. Not only am I afraid that I messed up his brand new shirt, if I don't fix it tonight I'm almost positive there will be a little boy meltdown in the morning. Since I can't find what turned everything pink, I'm scared to wash everything again. Bad words are forming in my mind. OK. Wake up hubby, he might know what to do. Nope. Just preceded to get him upset that I'd messed up the laundry. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't trying to make me feel bad, but I did. So I go visit Google, my best friend, and get all kinds of crazy ideas. I go with rewashing the clothes with some vinegar. Win! Sweet! Only now it's after midnight...again. And I have to work a 18 hour day tomorrow. Great. By the time I finally lie down to sleep, it's 1 am.

I'm thinking that I need superpowers or something. I try so very hard every day to get things done so this doesn't happen. I get off work at 3:45 and depending on school traffic, can sometimes get home between 4 and 4:15, if I don't have any errands to run. When I walk in the door, I turn into a cyclone of gathering laundry, gathering everyone's trash, cooking dinner, setting the table, folding laundry, straightening up or cleaning a bathroom. If I hurry, then when the hubby and kids get home around 6:15, then we can sit down to dinner immediately. Then we can work on any homework not finished, get showers rolling, and another load of laundry. And we've been pretty good about sticking to this schedule because it is so totally working for us. Then by 8:30, we work on taking vitamins, brushing our teeth, washing our faces, sit down to read a Bible story, then prayers. The "Goal"? Kids in bed by 9. Does it happen? Ever? No. They get to acting silly, or asking a bunch of questions, or wanting something to drink because all of a sudden because they are dying of thirst, or procrastinating in some form or fashion.  We've threatened them in every way possible, even tried to start getting ready for bed earlier, but it never happens. So somewhere before 9:30 we may have them settled in. Then it's finish cleaning up the kitchen, laundry, taking out the trash, you name it, whatever has to be done. Then me and hubby actually might get a chance to have a grown up conversation and some time alone. I live in the same house as my husband and sleep in the same bed, but sometimes it feels likes its been weeks since I talked to him. I try to remember all the important things I need to tell him, like if anyone has a meeting after school or needs to be picked up anywhere besides the church they normally go to for afterschool care. So normally, we manage to crawl into bed at midnight.

And then start all over again at 5:30 am when the alarm starts screaming at me. But the last couple of days, I've been hitting snooze because I'm exhausted. And scramble around like a maniac because I have to walk out the door at 6:30 to make to work on time. And I have to shower, dry my hair, get dressed, makeup, get the kids up, and make my lunch and breakfast for the day. By the time I get to work, I feel like I've ran a marathon and need a nap. And the last 2 days I've had to do my makeup at work. I mean, I already look like I haven't slept in a year, I can use all the help I can get.

I don't know where/what to change. We rarely watch TV, I barely squeeze in reading one chapter a week for my Bible study group.

Anyone want 2 children for a week? So I can at least get enough sleep to make it through the next year? HA!

I can't afford to hire a maid...

And here I am wanting to find time to walk or workout every day. I can't even find time to sleep! UGH!

I guess I could quit cleaning and just let things pile up. Does Hoarders pay to put you on their TV show? Just kidding. I couldn't live like that. For real. Nasty...

I'm going to figure something out or die trying! I can't let this get me down. How you supermoms do it? Any advice?

Friday, October 5, 2012

Freaky Friday

I've decided that my body has a mind of its own. Seriously.

If I eat well and drink my water, the weight slowly comes off. Which, I guess, is what I'm wanting to happen.


Yesterday, had a cheat day. Baaaaad cheat day. Like Funyuns and Caramel Bugles in one sitting bad day. Get on the scale this morning with dread...dum dum dum....DOWN 2 whole pounds! What The Heck! Now I know this has to be a seriously flawed freak of nature, so by no means am I going to eat like again today. But SERIOUSLY! I struggle and struggle to eat well, drink my water, and it takes a CHEAT day to make the scale move! I'm flabbergasted, for reals.

I NEED to exercise. But I seriously can't seem to find the time. Last weekend, I swore that this week I was going to find the time, somehow, somewhere. Even Monday, I blogged about a new start. But every day this week I have not been to bed before midnight, and still couldn't find time. And I get up at 5:30 every morning. I haven't even turned on the TV people. And I love me some shows - all the CSIs, Bones, NCIS...all dvr'ed and waiting on me to find some of that preciousness called time. Something's got to give. Now I need to try and find time to exercise and get more sleep. I wish cooking dinner,  doing laundry and dishes, and making kids do the homework and shower burned waaaaay more calories than it does. I would be super skinny. A girl can dream can't she?

It's Friday, at least.

Down 2 lbs and it's Friday, I should be happy. But I'm dreading this weekend. Mainly because of the food temptations that will be put before me. I have a wedding shower to go to tonight and a 2 yrs old birthday party tomorrow. Cake, chips, sugar, fat, high calories.....ugh! I'm such a food junkie. For real. I love junk food. I'm going to try really hard. Really hard. I can do this. But on the inside it will take everything I have not to revert to my old ways of diving in headfirst and regretting it later. Wish me luck! The weekends are my worst eating days already.

Have a great weekend guys!

Drink more water!

Monday, October 1, 2012

Motivation Monday

It's a new day! A new week! A new month!

Time for me to get with the program and quit making excuses and just do it!

It's the last week of ML FitCamp challenge and I'm only down 2lbs from where I started. But I had ended up gaining almost 10 lbs right after the challenge started and I've managed to get that off. I've also learned a lot about myself. So I by no means count this as a total bust. I learned what I crave, when I crave, why I crave, and how to combat those issues. I've also learned that I HAVE to make time for me - that means time to exercise. The weight is not going to fall off without it and it will make me feel 10 times better in the long run.

Hears to saying goodbye to:

- cigarettes
- yo-yo dieting
- soda
- not being able to climb the stairs without being out of breath
- not being able to wear anything smaller
- not looking like a slob (I feel like I wear everything baggy trying to hide the rolls and just end up looking like a slob)
- not taking care of myself
- not getting enough rest

Somebody...Anybody...Hold me accountable! For real! I'm having a problem doing this myself.

But here's to a new month.

I think I want to join the 100 miles in October. Which is walking/running/crawling if  you must - 100 miles in the month of October. I think I need to take baby steps. So instead of start C25K and not being able to walk for a week, I think I will try this challenge walking and then try to start C25K in November.

Anyone want to join me?

I think I want to set a goal to be under 200 by Christmas, which is a very realistic goal. So hold me to it!!!!