Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Truthful Tuesday

This mind game I'm playing with myself is getting so old.

I keep thinking that I am ready to lose weight and get out there and get it done. But I don't. So obviously I don't want it as bad as I think I do. I eat very well during the week. Then the weekend gets here and its a food free-for-all. This past Friday, went out to dinner with a couple at Cracker Barrel. I splurge and have blueberry pancakes...And thought "ok, I'll just eat better the rest of the weekend". Then we get to this event at our church, "Marital Bliss" we've been wanting to go to and lo and behold - they are serving dessert. Brownies, banana pudding, cheesecake, red velvet cake, hershey kisses, all calling my name. I - CAN'T - RESIST! I wasn't even hungry. I was still full from dinner, but do I decline? No. I dive in, face first.

I feel bad about it on the way home, but rationalize that everyone is allowed a cheat day. Just tell myself to get over it and I'll eat better tomorrow. Wake up early on Saturday, starving. Husband's gone to church, daughter's still asleep. I never get to watch TV, so I decide I'll watch a show, but can't find anything easy to make for breakfast...but there's a bag of bbq potato chips on the counter. "That'll work." I eat half the bag. Then when my daughter gets up, she wants cinnamon toast. I want something sweet too. One piece won't hurt. OK, maybe two. I do this all the time. Just set myself up for failure. And eat CRAP. Because I am all for instant gratification, I guess. If I'm hungry, I want it right then. Instead of cooking or fixing something healthy for myself.

I seriously got to work on this and wrap my head around it. I didn't eat all too bad Sunday. And got right back on track yesterday. But the reason the scale is not moving for me is clearly obvious.

I am seriously working on drinking my water today. I brought my water bottle to work. And I'm trying to make myself drink it. Drank half the bottle so far. Now if I can just do this several more times today...I had gotten back to the point I was drinking 2 or 3 20oz diet sodas a day and yesterday I broke down and had a mountain dew. What am I doing? So today, I've told myself that I cannot have any soda at all until I've drank my whole water bottle and then I can't have another one until I've drank my whole water bottle again. Not perfection, but at least it's a step in the right direction.

Actually got some decent sleep last night. First time in a while. So why do I still feel like crap? (let me guess...the crap I've been shoveling in my face?) Probably. I feel more tired today than I do when I only sleep 4 or 5 hours. And I got a whole 7 hours last night.

I did manage to get a few things done last night. My daughter is turning 12 Friday and we're having her a birthday party at our house Saturday. I had all intentions of scrubbing the house down last night when I got home, but it didn't happen. I went to the dollar store to get party supplies after work. Then headed to Walmart to get some groceries and cleaning supplies. Picked up the kids and headed home. But a headache the size of Texas had crept up on me by then. My husband had gotten home and had started to mow the grass, but it started to rain, so he helped me unload the car and by then I was worthless. Took something for a headache while he fixed frozen pizzas for the kids. He cleaned up the kitchen while I sat there like a lump on a log, trying to regain control of my head. After dinner, me and the hubs did manage to fold all the laundry. But didn't even put it up. We all went to bed.

I still want to do the Color Run coming in December. I've just got to figure out how to start getting some walking/running time in there. But I will walk it if I have to. I will do it. Just really would like to be running it.

I think I will pick up my daughter early today and see if she would like to run/walk with me. Or maybe I should just go home and do it and then go get her. If she doesn't want to, it'll just give me yet another reason not to go. OK. I can do this.

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