Motivation Monday...

I'm not sure what happened...

I've been looking for motivation. Haven't been able to find it...

It found me...

Yesterday, when I got off work, I made a split-second decision to run home, change clothes, and go to the track and run. I did C25K W1D1. And holy moly!! Did it ever kick my butt! Let me just say, if you have gained 40 lbs since you last ran and haven't ran in over a year, this is on the borderline of self-torture. The first couple of 60 second runs and 90 seconds brisk walks weren't incredibly bad. When the app on my phone stated I was halfway, I thought to myself, "I can do this!" Then it became harder and harder. My lower back started hurting, my legs started burning, and I couldn't breathe. But I was bound and determined to finish. The last set came and it was all I could do to breathe, and it was hurting so bad, I didn't know if I could finish. I prayed the lady on my phone would tell me I could stop. Prayed I could hold out until she did. Please make it stop! I can...I can't...Push yourself...Tears welling up in my eyes...But I DID IT! When the last run was over and it was cool down time, it was all I could do to keep walking...My legs were burning and had the tinglies, my heart was pounding so hard surely everyone could hear it, and I couldn't breathe. I managed to slowly creep back to the car and get in. I sat there in the seat, trying to drink water in between gasps for air. I wanted to die! Slowly, my heart slowed and my breathing slowed to normal and I realized that I had planned on going to the grocery store before I had to pick up the kids.

Halfway to Wally World, I realize that I'm almost out of gas, so I turn into the gas station and climb out of the car. I look down to realize that I've sweated so much that it looks like I've peed in my pants. GREAT! And I need to go to the store...Kill me please. Pumped gas and get back in the car...maybe if I point the air vents at my crotch and sit with my legs spread, it will dry some and not look so bad? I want to be proud of myself for running, but I'm wandering around town with what looks like peepee pants. Woohoo! I call my hubby because he's apparently text me sometime in the last 30 mins. He asked me what I was doing...Finally he convinces me (didn't take much) that I need to go get the kids and that groceries can wait until tomorrow. Inner voice in my head is screaming "Thank you Jesus!" Now I just have to face the people at the after school program (at a church) with my peepee pants.

I get to the center and get out of the car. I try to pull my capris up as high as they will go and my shirt down as far as it would go and walk in to get the kids. No one seems to notice my pants...Awesome! Let's get out of here. YAY!!! Doing a little dance in my head!

Get home and have a million things to do...fix the kids some grub. Start a load of laundry. Collect all the trash. Clean up the kitchen. Then it hits me...I'm not done yet! I need to start 30 Day Shred! I can do it! The kids are playing video games. So, I unwrap the DVD and plop it in. And just for you who don't know, this is a Jillian Michaels video. Jillian from the Biggest Loser. She's psycho! For reals! This is a 20 minute workout designed for those of us who don't have any minutes to spare in their days for maximum results in minimal time. 8 minutes in, I want to kill that B$%^& ! Seriously! 8 minutes 48 secs...hit the pause button, gasping for air. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?! AM I CRAZY! I'm so out of shape! But I want to finish. I can do this. PLAY. 12 mins in...PAUSE. Gasping for air, the kids are calling me to fix something. Thank you! Thank you! Saved by the kids. Their video game is stuck...Fix their game, throw the clothes in the dryer and start another load. Then I walk back to the living room and stare at the paused DVD...Inside my head - "you need to finish. I don't want to. You need to finish. No. Do it. No. Now! You're almost done. How hard can it be? Fine!!!" Just so you know, I hate the me that convinced me to finish. But, I finished, if you can call it that. I ended up pausing the video twice and didn't do all the exercises the whole time. You ever tried to do butt kicks running in place with tennis shoes on thick carpet? And me, Miss Coordination, has a hard time doing two exercises at once. Bicep curls while balancing to do lunges, that's a tall feat for me. I have no balance, I walk in the sides of doorways and bump into things that I already know are there all the time. You want me to do what????

I did what I could. And that's what matters.

What really worries me is who's going to help me off the toilet when I have to go? My legs are dead weight and sore. If I have to sit on a toilet, I honestly don't know if my legs will help me off.

I'm going to try to walk tonight and walk some of the soreness out. I'm drinking my water, drinking my water.

Have a great Tuesday!