Thursday, February 21, 2013

Hormones and Craziness

I'm trying to understand the myriad of emotions running through my body at the speed of lightning.

I am.

And I know that some of them are influenced by the hormones...

But let me warn those of you who do not know - NOT one single pregnant woman on the planet wants to be told that, I assure you. That's like turning on the crazy switch...seriously.

NEVER 
NEVER 
NEVER 
NEVER
NEVER
NEVER EVER tell a pregnant woman she's hormonal. That's considered justifiable homicide. I promise! Ever watched Snapped? It can happen...

But here's an example of my craziness for you:

My husband and I usually text each other every morning, just to say Have a Great Day! or something like that. I have to be a work an hour before he does, so I wake up the kids and get them moving, but he has to take them to school. So I leave way before they do. So when I get to work, I usually try to send him a message telling him that I love him and to have a good day. But this morning, I assuming the kids were making him late, or he just got busy and he never text me back...so here's what happened in my pregnant brain - "He's been in a accident. Oh Lord! What I am going to do? I have to plan a funeral now. How am I going to do that? I don't know anything about funerals...What if he hadn't dropped the kids off? Are they all dead? Now that's 3 funerals! Oh God! How am I going to do this? And I'm pregnant! I can't raise a baby by myself! Pregnant and alone again... That's what my life's come to. How am I going to do this? What if it's a boy? I can't raise a boy by myself. What am I going to do? I'll have to move home with my mom! Not again! I'm too old to be a burden to her anymore. Will my old job take me back? What if they won't take me back? I don't want to go back to bartending...that's why I went back to school. I can't do those hours with a newborn. But I'll have to move home...I can't afford the house we are supposed to be closing on by myself! I'll have to back out. Maybe he can find someone else to buy it. It's a good neighborhood, I'm sure he can. That shouldn't be a problem. What am I going to do about his clothes? I can't go through his clothes right now, I'm sure they smell like him. I can't go home! Oh goodness! I can't stay at work! My husband and children are dead somewhere! I have got to go home...but I can't go home. Maybe I should be looking for them. I don't know where to start. Oh man...I need gas. I'll have to go get gas first. But I'm so sleepy. I need a nap first. I'm too tired. They won't let me leave work anyway. They'll think I'm crazy. How do I make them understand? What do I tell them? "

Straight crazy I tell you. That's where I am at this morning. 

Sitting at my desk crying.

Why? 

Because I'm crazy.

And no one understands... 

My church and pastor teaches to always assume the best...boy am I way off track! I'm trying to twist my thoughts back around to all goodness and love! Because I know that's the real truth. Just got hormone goggles or something on this morning. THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

 Hopefully...

Especially before they put me in a straight jacket!

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